I don't mind being in the centre of ones attention, in fact I might just crave it at times. We all see people having different outlets for this craving, and I've been trying to find my own. Or maybe just being able to identify why and when the need of attention is the strongest. I'm not sure I've found it just yet, but I do have different outlets identified. Like this blog, or all my social media accounts really.
I grew up in a family of strong people but I also spent ten of those years surrounded by a man constantly telling me I wasn't good enough, that I would never achieve anything in life, that I was fat and even being told I wasn't smart enough but rather stupid. Making me feel excluded from all those strong individuals in my family. Few people know of this, and I've been hiding it for a long, long time. Fighting to be all those things he told me I would never be or just proving him wrong. It has been a struggle and the crave for attention is probably all based on a need for the highs of feeling good enough or even great about whom I've become. In spite of him. If only for a second or two. Or an eternity. Those highs are like my own personal favourite choice of drug.
As much as I crave attention I do like to give away my own. I like acknowledging those in need of it, just as I do myself. Telling them whatever they need to hear, making them feel what they need to feel, or just showing them I appreciate them. And I do it because I care, because I want to and because I know how important it is for your inner peace and happiness. Because I know the highs they're seeking! To me it's not a bad thing, needing it or giving it! It is, however, a truly bad thing when you give and give, without receiving it back. At least to me. It's like a scale constantly needing to be levelled! If it falters, so do I. It completely drains me. And it bores me. But most of all, it makes me feel less important.
I'm not high maintenance, and I do not demand people to act in a special or specific way around me. I do not expect attention from everyone at any time. That is not how I work, or how my needs for attention works. I'm just as everyone else, an ordinary and quite simple woman (I think, not knowing all women). I'm talking about specific times and specific people and I know they know who they are. So this blog entry is not to be regarded as a way of making people feel they need to act differently towards me, this is just me trying to explain why I'm active on social media and why I seek attention! And why I like it.
I've been working on the editing part of my latest writing project tonight, just as I did yesterday, and I'm so tired. Not because of the editing part, but because I slept awfully bad last night (fell asleep on the couch). And now I'm fighting to stay awake for the second day in a row.!
I guess going to bed would solve that problem though!
This week has passed by so quickly I'm not even sure where it went! I do know though that I'm super tired! I've been working late nights and after a rather short nights sleep I've been up again and on my way back to work in early mornings. So tonight I lay down in a hot bubble bath to try to relax although I still had some work to finish! I'll just save that for tomorrow!
I'm sure life's supposed to be more than work, eat and sleep! Right!? I'll see to it that, starting next week, I'll be spending less time working nights!
Now I'm going to bed, dating my Kindle until I fall asleep!
Tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I'm spending some time to think about that tonight. I love the idea of celebrating love and your loved ones, but I'm not really fond of the commercial part of it all because that is what Valentine's Day is turning out to be! I saw apples in the store today in which they'd (somehow) texted "I love you" in the peel of the apple (using chemicals?). And of course they were much more expensive than ordinary apples! A way for us all to spend more money! And we do, don't we! I'm the first to admit that I spend money on surprising my husband and daughter with gifts just because it's Valentine's Day. But I refuse to buy those apples!!!
I don't know, but I just want this Valentine's Day to be more about love and compassion than buying stupid apples in the store! There's so much hate in our world and I can't think of a better day to eradicate that hate, replacing it with love! Let's do that together! Let's share and give love to those who might expect it the least but need it the most! One simple act of love and compassion! By giving your valuable time to someone who needs your attention. Hold the hand of an old and alone man or woman at the retirement home while reading them a story. Open up your heart! Listen to those who won't speak or to those speaking too much. Let them know that you hear every word they say! Do the unexpected! Change patterns and smile at a stranger and give aid to the beggars outside the supermarket entrance. Buy them a cup of coffee and ask if they can tell them their story. Or just pick up someone else's trash on the street to aid the environment! Plant a tree or give money to causes working with preservation of endangered species! Love the planet! I don't know, just do something else than buying that stupid "I love you"-apple!
My cats doesn't like cuddling up in my knee to be petted. Like at all! Charlie the cat, who turns two in May hasn't been laying in my lap since he was a kitten, and back then I think it might have happened one or maybe two times! Tops! So, it's with a surprised smile I write this blog entry because he's now sleeping in my lap for the second time today! ❤
My "big" little sweetheart! He left to get some food and then came back again meowing before laying down again and falling right back asleep.
So I guess I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, how could I ever move and disturb him when I finally get to feel him this close! 😍
It's Saturday night and I'm all cuddled up on the couch under a blanket with a cup of tea. It's freezing outside and just a few degrees too cold inside for my liking. I hate to feel cold, which is ironic as I live in Sweden! 😆
So this is where I'll be spending my night. And, as you've probably guessed, I'll be dating my Kindle while doing so! It's like a perfect night (if it wasn't for the freezing part)! It almost takes away my longing for summer, and hot summer nights! I'm sooo not a winter person!